I met little Dani when she was eighteen months old living in an old apartment building above the river. She was standing on the window sill with no screens or guards, only the glass with the water below. Her little face was all dirty, her hands were sticky and her hair uncombed like most little kids. My son was dating her Mother and continued to do so for a few years. When Dani was eight years old, the only Father she ever knew no longer lived with her. There was a new man in the house. And then another new man in the house. This man did not like Dani and he showed it. He was verbally abusive to her for seven long years. Only one teacher believed her story but was unable to offer any sort of positive help because by this time Dani had developed her own self protection plan which wasn't working so well. She was seeing the world through abused eyes which was making her also abusive even though she could not see it. Of course she couldn't. Nothing she did at home was right, nothing. She was called horrible names, accidentally on purpose hit with car doors and spaghetti poured over her head. Tin cans put in her bed under the covers for her a surprise landing. That because she forgot to throw hers in recycle. Not allowed to use the family computer, not allowed to eat certain foods because they only belonged to him. And much more. All this brought about a personal self defense in every circle of her life. Friends began to see her lack of self confidence and bully her. Then the fighting began and the tickets. Self defense wasn't alright in the little town with no pity where she lived. Most little towns are like that.The police officers were young with no children and uninformed to the needs of teenagers. So the tickets mounted which made it impossible for Dani to take the required driving classes in High School. Then the anxiety set in severely. When a person feels they have no safe direction to turn their body screams FLIGHT. FIGHTING didn't work out so flight was the only other option with no counseling help, or other adult intelligent intervention. No one believed her because she was sounding out of control. Not using any sort of controlled strength to communicate with the authority figures that could help her. Add to that the fact the live in boyfriend was a master at conning the police and the one lonely social worker with his office at the little town police station, who wouldn't listen. The calls to 211 to find a place for a 17 year old to live. There are no places for them....in fact I heard the streets are full of homeless 17 year
olds. Dani could no longer attend school due to anxiety. She would break down if anyone even starred at her. She ended up staying at home all day every day. No one got her into the home-school computer program, so she just sat around all day. She made friends with a young boy when she discovered they had much in common. He was raised in an abusive home also, where his Mother's boyfriend mistreated him. A drinking family so we heard. The two of them stuck very close as the year passed. Dani was allowed to graduate, even though not attending enough school to legally make that seem possible. But she did anyway and the school gave her the option of walking for her diploma with the rest of her class. Obviously she was not able to do so due to the anxiety issues. Her Mother had gotten her on many different medications from a doctor who gave Dani samples of brain, anti-depressant
meds. When he would run out of one he would start her on another. We know changing brain medications can be as hazardous as taking them. They made her angry, confused, and as anxious as ever. She could not work, or even walk into
WalMart at this point. Abuse has a way of killing a person's spirit and it had almost killed hers. I forgot something here. She can sing like a bird. Or at least like
Aguilira and Spears and more, maybe better. But with what confidence will that work? Dani moved out of the house where the "B" man lived(boyfriend) and into the fire with her long time friend Brandon. He got a job at
a fast food restuarant and they found a roommate. Dani stayed home with her cat all day everyday. She had applied for State disability and was waiting to hear a decision, although all she wanted was to be normal. Meantime their roommate leaves and stress mounts. Fast food places only pay $5.00 and a few cents an hour which makes it fairly tough to pay rent, utilities and buy food. Then the circle of abuse found an opening once again in the life of the little girl who once stood on the dangerous window sill over the river. In fact they abused each other both in different ways. Verbal from Dani and physical from Brandon. Dani had no where to go, no money to get there, and fear kept her trapped in the dangerous cycle. She begged for help from various people and places. No one would take her with her cat. Her cat had also come from an abused home therefore Dani felt an enormous responsibility to make sure the cat was safe and secure also. Dani was now eighteen and a half, and one day while surfing the Internet she decided to put her Dad's name in the Google Search Bar......there he was, top of the page, name, address, and phone number. UNREAL! Yet who was he? Was he really her Father? Her Mother has always told her he was not her real father even though he paid for her all of her life. Sometimes Mothers feel a secret need to protect in the wrong ways. Sometimes unintentionally and other times not. Her mind was swirling so fast and uncomfortably she decided to let it go. Nothing in her life had been any good so far so why would this be any different? Dani had left this bit of information at my house and with little or no thought I contacted this man. He was shocked at the phone call and shocked at my boldness in asking him where the heck he had been all her life. We exchanged some difficult talk and then settled in on helping Dani. I told her of my phone call to him and they began corresponding by mail. He actually had her birth certificate in his possession which he sent her. And he had been in the delivery room when she was born, had photos of he and Dani's Mother eighteen years past. We attended a first meeting with Dani's Father and his live in partner Jessica and it went beautifully. In fact it was like an Oprah moment right there at that Cracker
Barrell restaurant on the Interstate! Later we attended a family reunion which was a tad uncomfortable for a girl with anxiety issues. But it was a beginning. Nearing the end of the year the abuse between Dani and her boyfriend became unbearable to the point he told her she had to leave and now! The landlord agreed because Dani was not on the lease so.....homeless. I called her Dad and told him of the situation, even though I was afraid it was too soon for him to feel comfortable to intervene on her behalf. Well, he did and in a mighty way. He drove an hour and a half in his truck with his Uncle and Nephew and they moved Dani out of that abusive circle in a few hours. They stored her belongings and left Brandon with only a bed and a small sofa. Too bad! Dani and her cat and all her belongings moved in with her birth Father and Jessica. The first few days were not easy, in fact the first thing that happened is her cell phone had no reception whatsoever which made her feel cut off from everything in life she ever knew be comfortable be that good or bad. Again, her Dad sensed her discomfort and surprised her by driving her to the local cell phone store and buying her a wonderful new cell phone with good reception. Then they went car shopping and he bought her all new clothes and is paying off those nasty fighting tickets she got trying to defend herself from the bullies in High School . And he told her he had tried to see her when she was growing up but was told no by her family, that it wouldn't be a good thing. He has stepped up and saved his daughter and in doing so has done the one thing little girls need. He validated her existence. And she has since been approved for disability so she can get proper medical treatment for her condition and get herself back out into the world. Next you will see her video on
UTube and then in lights. Be watching because she is on her way. From the Sh__t Pit to the clouds!
