Stuck to the Toilet.....by Julianna Rowe

I have a business called "A Green Experience," which  means my clients choose to have their homes cleaned using all natural green cleaning supplies.  I have seen everything from "erp" and I dont mean Wyatt, in bathroom trash containers, to enough dog hair from one cleaning to make forty wigs. Okay so four wigs.  But I'll never tell.

  

The other day one of my clients came to my helper and asked her if she could clean the green cleaner off his toilet seat after she cleans it with the green cleaner.

 

She said, "Sure, but why?"

He said, "Because I got stuck to it!"

I couldn't stop laughing because I wanted to say, "No, its not the green cleaning solution, its that you sit too long sir! You have stacks of magazines, crossword puzzles, and pens, heck it looks like an office next to the toilet.  My Grandpa used to say, "Either sit there and think, or sit there and stink."  Sorry but he was an old farmer and when I was old enough to read I saw that written "A tad differently on the old outhouse wall.

There really was an old Sears catalog in Pa's outhouse for the purpose of wiping tail. I used to crumple up the pages and rub them together so they were softer for obvious reasons. I was six years old and if you have never wiped your bum with a page from a Sears catalog you have missed out on a piece of life.  But then I have never used a leaf out in the woods and I figure I have not missed out on a darn thing.

Okay so back to what I have seen.  Sweat so thick on walking machines it is yellow and no I will not clean that up! I have seen closets I wouldn't let anyone see.  Now I know why my friends always cleaned up before the cleaning lady comes.  I love it when I see a beautiful black flat stove someone used as if it were a campfire.  And I am supposed to figure out how to get a quarter of an inch of black charred crust off it?  But I'll never tell.  How about teenagers rooms where you cant see the floor for the clothes, glasses of water, moldy bowls, and trash with spiders. Although this one I understand totally. One of my clients told me I forgot to dust off the top of the furnace regular.  Yet the inside of his closet looks like a trash bin.  But I'll never tell.  Once I got fired for cleaning the cats water fountain which was not fit for carp. Guess they forgot the times I cleaned up their cats pueck. You have to laugh at the ridiculousness. 

Then there are those people who have been blessed financially but do not care about what they have been blessed with.  I am speaking of the tangible items their money buys them.  I am in awe of the number of shoes people have, the organic foods, the pottery and artwork, the remodeling projects, the closets larger than my master bedroom, the seven bathrooms, and so on.  But I'll never tell because I get paid for it.  I keep in mind that I nurture their homes and that is my job. Whatever they do with it beyond that I can only watch for the humor of it.  

In truth most all my clients are amazing and I have been truly blessed. 💓

The good stories out way all the fourteen years of people stuck to their toilet seats.  Like the hundred stuffed animals we set up and "make happy."  The children look forward to coming home from school to see the new set up every time.  The people that paid me when I had cancer surgery.  The clients that paid me during the two - three months of lock down during the pandemic. The fresh eggs waiting for me  from the backyard chickens. But, the Christmas bonus's are the most "bestest!"  I am very blessed.

Life On Mars

That was an old TV show and it made me nervous. Remember P.S. Bell, my deceased old man friend said I was neurotic and such. No I am not, my Mother is. LLOL (Lord laughing out loud!) When I used to watch  Life On Mars, the guy was stuck in 1973. They didn't have computers, cell phones, or the ability to check DNA for crimes although they did have racial problems, and women's rights issues. Basically its a mess for someone who has 2021 wisdom and lives in 1973. Whalla....isn't that the same as me? I could do that reality TV and do it daily because I had more fun in 1973 so I run on back there in my brain whenever needed or not needed. Some people do Zen or Chi, but I did and do Doo Wop. 

You know back then it cost a million bucks and you got 20 CD's by mail of Doo Wop music. Now its $6.50 a month for Sirius XM with a zillion channels that make me so happy. So happy I used to dance with my bedpost all night.  I had a hand carved Cherry Wood Rice Bed shipped here from Europe. Or so the furniture store sales-man told me. And I like what he told me so I bought it and kept it...the story and the bed. That bedpost was not only good for re-cycled gum, it was good for playing dance partner. And much easier. It had no brains or other anatomical parts, which I preferred at that time. Do recall I was playing "Duck"  back then which meant I was "Going with the Flow" of life. But the "calling" BACK continued.. I Only Have Eyes for You....Only You... The Duke of Earl....Blue Velvet..... Runaway..... Diana.......The Wanderer....Jack and Diane.......and so on. Doo Wop makes me happy. I think it was a time when life was better as well as I could seriously more agile for doing the jitter bug and could sing better.

We all need that happy place and I still get it through memories of music. And would you believe back then I was be one of the only humans left on earth with no CD player in my car. Nope, nada, none. But I do now, along with built in Sirus XM because this is not Mars, it is Earth and I live in America where CD car players and built in everything in cars are everywhere like Peanut Butter and Jelly. I love Peanut Butter and Jelly! 

This Duck is going to bed..... tomorrow brings new clients and Life on Mars-America along with solutions. 

I love you, whoever you are. Really I do. And make note we are not going to that place of Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. Who cares.

And note "Gum revives it flavor on the bedpost overnight!" Just kidding that's gross.

www.sweetstreetproducts.com/MiscClocks.htm

Pancreatic Cancer.

Today and the past couple weeks have been very sad for me when I received the news a dear friend of mine has stage 4 pancreatic cancer. I was in great hopes this person would have a couple years to live but as the testing moves forward I am not so sure.  In fact I am afraid.  How dare I be afraid?  Your right.  It's my time to be strong for this person, not afraid.  Well fuck that!  I am afraid for this person and for me and so many others.  

My person has never been in love in their six decades on earth. They have been married, have children, had their own business's, own a beautiful large home in the country, spend a lot of time creating beautiful landscaping projects.  Have a grandchild.  And fell in love recently with someone in the midst of a divorce.  They both found a precious love in one another.  They have communicated for over a year with no copulation.  Kisses, Kindness, and Caring.  Meeting in dark parking lots.  Both waiting with great anticipation for the day they can begin their lives together. 

That is just some of the hours spent by my friend in the sanctuary of my friends yard.  

And then.....PAIN led to doctor calls and appointments.  An ultra sound.  Results put on MyChart.  My friend read their future on the cold computer.  Lesions in the liver and tail of the pancreas.  Doctor call later in day saying in a frantic voice: 

 "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry."   

Then a call later offering an appointment for a CT.  Nothing further from any doctors. 

CT day comes and my friend is sitting in the waiting room drinking white liquid and instructed to take an hour to do the above.  My friend texted me saying "AFRAID! And I dont even have a fucking doctor!" And that was the truth.  After several hours back home she received more My Chart news.  Metastasized from pancreas to liver to lungs. And no phone call.  Just a death sentence online.   Guess that is what our medical system has come to?  Our political system is in the shitter as well. 

Let me also say another dear friend just lost her husband unexpectedly to a rare disease.  It was expected but not so soon!  After 54 years together. And now this.  Its not that our age isn't appropriate for such incidents, it's that I was not prepared.  Who ever is! 

This has affected my life in the living realm. I recently ended a near six year relationship with someone I dearly loved.  There are days I feel tremendous guilt for my part in the ending mostly due to a severe attitude adjustment regarding life and death.  Not because it shouldn't have ended, but because of how it did.  Love isn't hurting another person. I lived by that until the end......Just shoot me that now I have to live with the fact I didn't live by my own values!! It may have been deserved but no matter!!  And should I die before I wake, it's too late.  

Back to the point at hand on the keyboard.  I have offered to make "Life Books" for the grandchild and the love my friend will leave behind.  I am angry at the loss that hasn't happened yet.  I am angry at the love unfulfilled.  Most of us dont get the chance to find it.  I lost it last year in the living and my friend is losing it to death. To something unknown. How dare I ever be afraid of a clanking MRI tube again.  How dare I ever be afraid of one damn thing again.  BECAUSE IT DOESNT HAVE TO BE PERFECT. IT CAN JUST BE WHAT IT IS.   Life.  Never throw Love away if there is an ounce of it left.  Loss is a bitch.  Dead or Alive.  There is a REWARD.  Savor it for your time may be limited on this earth.  

Maybe tomorrow I will write something more uplifting.  Today I cant do that. 

 This photo of me was taken in December of 1987.  My fiancé bought it for me as a Christmas gift along with a very large diamond ring securing his future and killing mine, for a time anyway.  

I am a very sentimental person meaning I keep things forever that are meaningful to me or maybe someone else.  I kept my little girls best dresses in case she ever had a little girl.  I kept this beautiful nightgown and robe in my possession since that day.  Brand name is ENTICE by Bill Tice.  I googled it and found it to be VINTAGE on Etsy.  The robe goes for $13.00.  I was disappointed in the value for I had hoped something I had kept that long for no  real reason would be of greater value.  Nope, Nadda.  Junk. Four decades old junk.  Until today when my ten year old going on twenty visited me for a sleepover.

She loves to dig through all my shoes I no longer wear.  My makeup I no longer wear much of, my jewelry I no longer wear much of, and everything in my refrigerator which is fine. To my surprise she came out of the bathroom with a big Ta-Da! 

"Nana look at me!"  She was twirling around like a Princess. In fact she twirled so hard she went down and immediately back up she came dancing around like a Queen. She redid her hair over and over to look pretty for the picture shoot in her Nana's and Grandfathers memories.  Just hope that outfit didn't retain any old demons it sort of stands for.  Maybe I shoudda burned it.  O'well, too late! 

I told her that her Grandfather bought that for me before her mama was born.  I didn't tell her that may have been the reason they were all born. Bwah haha!  No seriously and no I didn't tell that truth. I just didn't tell. 

When people say to clean out the clutter, sometimes its okay to keep some of it, like this pretty silky make ya feel better robe ensemble. And so the camera shoot began during the sleepover dated today.  We pulled a memory and I hope that is all from 1987 to 2021.  Time capsule.  And here is his Granddaughter enjoying his gift.  He probably charged it !  Okay sorry...dont ruin a good thing when your on a roll.

She felt so beautiful.  I am glad I kept it.  She asked me to keep it until she gets taller and can fit into it better.  I sure will precious girl.  It certainly becomes you as it did me way back when. xxoo

Will it Hurt?

 

He left his hat.  I found it.

I wore it.

Made me smell closer.

Scared me.

Will it hurt?

No, it’s a hat.

But it called to me,

And it hurt. 

(To my friends and family/don't worry, I'm good, I wrote some of these last year!)

Dating App. Profile:

 😂

My profile for the new dating app. (NOT)

I am self-sufficient, have my own business inherited from Great Gma, and Gma.  I clean other people’s toilets.

I only owe $15,036.92 cents on my five-year-old car for six more years.  

I have a wonderful family for the most part.  My son and his fiancé just moved back into my 1,000 sq. ft. apartment because they are homeless so the kitty litter is now in my bedroom. My oldest is in prison for various reasons.  My middle child has anxiety issues and lives far away, and my youngest lives close but has four children and a very busy life forty miles away.

Oh, and my mother lives close and is dying soon.  She left my crappy brother a minimum of a half a million dollars plus and me nothing. 

I come with nothing but my $525.00 social security monthly pay out.  I was married five months short of receiving the only father of my children’s SS.  Government rules you know?  The woman must stay for ten years no matter what to receive SS for putting up with “Big Dick” for 9 years and 7 months.  I didn’t get the memo saying “STAY FOR 4 MORE MONTHS!”

I haven’t dated but once in the past twenty-two years.  I kept that date for five and a half years.  I stopped it after learning I was being abused all that time.  At least my car has a new battery and tires. He bought me those before he left.

I have been married three times and it wasn’t my fault.

I am very intelligent and I am only twelve pounds overweight all in the middle. Obviously, I look like a tree. But I hide it well like I hide the big toe nail fungus.   My breasts are not huge so they don’t hang down too far. I have RLS so sometimes my thin legs jump half the night away.  I should try playing music maybe they would at the least jump to a beat.  

I am fairly healthy except I have cancer.  And all my lady parts and some random parts are sliding down the shoot and need a total take out and tie up.  Major they say. I only pee myself when I stand up, lay down, laugh, cough, or slightly move. Oh, and I have fungus in my two big toenails.  Shit.

My teeth are pretty good, most of the back ones are gone so no worries there.

My dog died so there are only two cats left who only peuck on the carpet once every couple days. 

I believe in God but I talk to the dead-on occasion when I visit cemeteries. Or if they wake me up in the middle of the night.

I am allergic to all milk products so going out for dinner is a challenge.

I can cook but not very well because I don’t like oil or spices.

I can only have sex standing up due to severe spinal stenosis L4 L5.   

I am terrified of water and motorcycles and airplanes so travel is questionable. 

I have a bit of ADD.  Adult attention deficit disorder.  I’m good except I interrupt on occasion.

I drink alcohol for I believe it to be the solution, not the problem.

I also have OCD.  I count.  I count steps I am going up, not down.  I count items going into the washing machine.  I must spray a cleaning solution 20 times. Sometimes I can make myself stop at 12 or 16.

And I have no Life Insurance. Actually, I barely have health insurance at all. A cheap plan.

I can sing well but due to a surgery in the past there is one note I miss every time. I can draw portraits.  I can write mystery novels and love stories. I can dance.  I can listen unless I must interrupt or I will forget my impending words.  And I can’t walk very far.  I am old. 

If you believe all that I will write more tomorrow.  

My First Novel on Amazon: LOVE AFTER LIFE

 My first NOVEL out on AMAZON   and at Barnes and Noble online

Excerpt page 84: